A choking—unfamilar air as the rushing sensations of life flooded my mind and body got caught in my throat and I sputtered out my first pleas of safety.
“P-please, I–”
The crushing physical sensations around me suddenly subsided, the pressure decreasing like the dim horizons on a sunset as the squeezing container I was encased within loosened to allow my breath while I choked through tears I didn’t know I was shedding. I wasn’t being restrained—I was being held. The arms around me squished my body into that of whoever’s shoulder I was over, gently cradling me up and out until I landed on solid ground for the first time.
The arms retreated and let me go, the woman in front of me stepping away and revealing her strangely familiar figure with a gentle expression. I felt my cheeks warming as I was let go, a cool breeze of air from wherever I was washing against me and resetting my mind from the chaotic haze I had just woken up into. Her eyes wandered back up to mine and I averted my gaze on instinct.
“Subject 0-6-9, what is your name?”
The woman spoke confidently, retrieving a clipboard from a table to her right and twirling a pen between her fingers. Her gaze wandered up and down me once more, a smile on her face as she waited patiently for a while as the silence enveloped the room. It was then that I realized she was waiting for me to respond.
“P-Primrose. My name is Primrose.” I said quickly, eyes averted as her gaze once more met mine. Something about myself felt wrong, a slight discomfort of something I was missing. I pressed my arms to myself as a certain chill washed over me before she spoke again.
“Very good. There’s some clothes on the chair, get dressed before we go out and talk some more.”
It was suddenly very apparent that I was completely naked.
I squeaked, scrambling to cover myself and shuffle to the chair in which I could toss on the underwear provided as well as a large oversized t-shirt, fitting on the provided thigh high socks and looking around.
“Um…is there more?”
She turned to me. “I suppose so, but I assumed that’d be enough. It’s basically my loungewear.” She grabbed a clipboard and clicked a pen. “First, however, I’d like to ask some basic questions about you. Is that ok?”
I pulled the shirt down idly, looking away with another red tint in my cheeks. “S-sure.” I was confused more than I was embarrassed—a certain sensation that left me rather docile to the commands of the woman before me. She directed us to a small desk in which we took opposing seats. Anxiety kept washing over me, like rhythmic beach waves while the woman seemed to stare deep into my eyes.
“So, Primrose,” She clicked her pen, looking down on her clipboard “Oh.”
“Is there a problem?”
“I forgot this one was a bit…different.” She tossed the papers and pen to the side and looked over at me. “You don’t have memories. At least, not yet.”
“I don’t—what?” I felt my anxiety grow.
“There’s no memories of you in our database because everything was handled in another secure location. A testing ground. This is the first time you’ve been invited this close, and your memories didn’t follow.” The tides of waves I once felt gently pushing at me now threatened to tip me over. The words were only scary because I could feel how accurate they were—I couldn’t remember anything. Only my name remained as if something I learned in classes, but no memory of school or life existed prior. Even my own body felt foreign—not that it was wrong, but that it was unknown. Apart from having just woken up and felt my own skin, I wouldn’t be able to describe it. I heard my breathing getting faster,
“Relax, ok?” The woman held her hand out and grabbed mine, holding it gently. “You’ll be fine. We’ll find your memories and make new ones.”
She began slowly consoling me, pushing back the tides of anxiety with soft calming words and gentle touches. The feelings and thoughts in my head were all new, but somehow even her touch felt familiar as she pressed her fingers against my skin and ran them over my arms or back. The next few minutes were simply focused on my breathing and bringing my heartrate down. It was a while before she spoke.
“Do you know why you’re here?”
“I–” I felt another bout of panic threaten to overtake me. “No, no I don’t know.”
“Ok. Let’s start with that.” The woman before me produced a notebook from the desk, flipping through pages and pages of handwriting I found dizzying. She paused quickly as her thumb pressed down and stopped the fluttering paper. “You are…” she froze, a small blush appearing on her cheeks. “Ah. Right.”
I leaned in closer. “Is…something wrong?”
“No, no!” She quickly shut the notebook and shook her head. “No, of course not, it’s just…” I could see a bit of anxiety and embarrassment in her eyes as she looked around at the empty room. “I guess I’m…well, I forgot you were, um…this.”
I tilted my head. “So…what am I?”
“You’re…libido. Mine, to be precise.”
I blinked slowly. “I’m…what?”
“You’re a fragment of my sex drive,” She went on. “I wasn’t comfortable enough exploring it, so I made you. We’ve been out of contact for a while. I guess we didn’t collect your memories because, well…” She blushed again, averting her eyes from mine. “Anyways, hi! You can call me whatever you’d like, Primrose. I’m eager to learn about you–”
“Wait wait wait–” I cut her off. “Are you saying I’m…you? But like…for being a whore?”
“No–” She started to laugh. “Well, kinda. I couldn’t use those words to describe you—in fact, that’s another sign of just how we’ve deviated.” She stood up, walking over to a doorway and beckoning me to follow. “You were me—maybe 2 or 3 years ago, just in a different position. We both disconnected in contact to see the difference in growth, mine being focused on general life and managing the other fragments and yours being, well…” I could tell she paused again because she was blushing, even if we didn’t stop walking “Being horny? I guess? I gave some pretty loose rules over there.”
The woman brought me to a mirror in which I could see myself for the first time, and I then realized how similar I was to her. We both shared a short cut wavy brown hair with the same face, but my eyes had turned a deep shade of purple. Our bodies seemed to match in height and physique to the point at which if we had swapped clothes nobody would have noticed the difference. Of course, that also drew even more attention to my rather casual and skimpy clothes.
“So that’s why you didn’t give me pants?”
“It’s one of the reasons. Figured it’d be more comfortable that way.” She gave me a wink
She walked me out into the halls of the strange building, various pieces being decorated and updated slowly as they walked. The woman had her hands out as if manipulating them, pulling up wallpaper and turning on lights. I tried catching up with her.
“Ok, so if I’m your horniness, what’s the point of losing all the memories? Were you just that embarrassed?”
She made her way to the front hall, an already cheerfully decorated room with open doors and windows. It made me painfully aware of how light I was dressed. “Your memories are still around, I think. You just aren’t remembering the right things. Here—take for instance that girl over there.” She pointed at a picture on a wall, a beautiful woman with soft skin and flowing hair whose lips looked familiar. It was as if I could practically taste her tongue gently gliding against–
“Ok, yeah, I remember things.” I blushed.
“Do you remember her name though?”
“I–no. That’s the thing that eludes me. I know of her, I know the…things we did, but…I don’t know who she is.” I stopped. “Um, who is she?”
“You’ll meet her again soon. I couldn’t keep you from her without her getting upset after all.” She laughed, leaning onto a wall and smiling warmly at me. I felt myself squirming softly where I stood.
“So, what now?” I said. “What am I supposed to do now? Wasn’t the point that we were separate?”
I saw her look off a bit distantly. “Well…it’s kinda funny, you know? I named you Primrose because you would be a growing flower. Softly exposed to the soil and nutrients around you to become something greater than when I created you. But now, as you’ve grown into a beautiful flower, I’m just…”
I could see her tearing up. “You…don’t know what to do with me, do you?”
She let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, I don’t. Part of me wants to put you in a vase and show off in the house, but some of me is still embarrassed of it. Part of it is that I feel more progress should be made, but…”
I stood silently in the open hall. We waited there for a long while. I felt the sun’s light change tones as the time went on and night began to encroach. I was aimless, and the woman who seemed to take ownership of me had no goals. I could see tears down her cheeks as she looked off.
“Look, just.” She started with a sniffle. “Stay here. I’ll keep you safe, as will everyone. You can share what you want to share. And, uh…” She walked over to me, giving me a gentle hug. “I’ll figure something out.”
I returned her embrace. “Ok.” I whispered.
We stayed there for quite some time. She held me softly and I tried to return the favor. The warmth grew between us—with my body and hers, I felt our breaths harmonize and turn slower and steadier the longer we waited. “It’s comforting, having you hear now though.” She quietly admitted. “I’d really like you to stay.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”