A gasp. Like I was dying.
A frantic grasping for anything I could find as real—a bubbling to the surface of water as I took in the first air I’d had since drifting asleep as I stumbled out of…something. My eyes barely could adjust to the light as a rushing crashing sound raced by my head and overwhelmed me when I finally felt my body hit the ground.
The crashing pain of consciousness and awareness wasn’t right. It was as if my life had finally begun, but even with the pounding headache I had I could tell I was alive long before this. I had memories of life—of lives. Multiple eyes I’d lived through and a cacophony of memories that blurred and mixed together. Even then, I was sure of who I was. I understood that even as every name I’d been called rushed by my mind when the words of the woman in front of me rang out with authority.
“Subject 0-2-8, what is your name?”
Her voice. No, my voice. Why did she have my voice? I stumbled from the floor to look up at her, fighting the aching soreness within my body to see the face of someone familiar. She appeared in my mind—not by name, but by what she called herself. No, no no no. I should have known this would happen. It’s happening again. She’s moving on. Like with her.
I scrambled to my feet, a permanent glare as I watched her movements. She held a clipboard, looking back at me with a blank and unreadable expression. I know what she’s thinking. We’re the same. And if she’s the same, then she should have brought—
“Subject 0-2-8, what is your name?”
She repeats her question, not looking away from my eyes for a moment. Her voice is louder, but the authority behind it is gone. She’s shrinking as she stares back at me, shivering while she sees the look on my face.
“The hell are you trying to pull?” I glared back at her. My fists were clenched as I regained control of my body after whatever frozen state she had left me in. This had to be an effort to replace me. The same way it happens every time. And this was the first step. I couldn’t let her take another. I look to the tables, attempting to scan the environment till I find—
My hands move before I can even think about it. Every second I wait is another I leave myself open. Every moment we’re thinking of what each others’ existence means for one another is an opening for the other. I didn’t take time to think of her question. I didn’t consider why she pretended not to know the answer. I didn’t even think about why she’d have brought this and left it on the table. But all I knew is that I needed it before she could grab it.
I picked up the pistol and clutched it in both hands, pointed directly at her head with a few steps back to have time to react to her next move. My thumb flicked the safety instinctively.
She froze, eyes staring down the barrel as she tried to look back into my eyes.
“Subject 0-2-8…what is your name?”
She shook, frozen on the spot as her arms tightened and she struggled to hold her ground. Her grip on the clipboard surely suffered as she trembled with the impending gunshot. I could see the fear growing as I aimed the pistol directly at her chest, finger on the trigger and waiting for a sign of aggression.
“What was the plan, huh?” I narrowed my eyes as I chastised her. “Wake me up just to kill me? Did you have a monologue about how you’d be better than me?” I felt my index finger pull down lightly on the trigger, feeling the pressure as my hand tightened its grip. “Well? Spit it out! I’d love to hear what you rehearsed before this!”
She swallowed hard, averting her eyes and quivering. Every part of her body screamed of terror as she stood in the situation she’d manufactured herself. I could see her try to steady her breaths as she waited, praying I wouldn’t pull the trigger. Eventually, she closed her eyes and looked down as if presenting her head. I only heard her whisper her question once more.
“S-subject 0-2-8…what is…your name…”
I felt my hands shaking as I held the grip tighter. My finger twitched as it tried to press the trigger. “Why?” I screamed. “Why the fuck are you doing this!” I inched closer as if with intent to press the barrel to her head. She didn’t respond. She simply trembled as she waited for me to bring an end to our meeting.
And so we waited. We waited for her to speak. We waited for me to pull the trigger. And neither of us moved.
So we waited.
…
“…Skyler. Skyler Comet.” I lowered my arms so the gun pointed just below her. She seemed to regain some composure, relaxing a bit and peeking back up at me.
“Skyler, I’m going to ask some simple questions. Just to get the basics all set in stone. Is…that alright?” Her voice was still meek and cautious.
“You gonna kill me after?”
“No!” She turned her head again. “Please, I’m not trying to hurt you. Or replace you. Just–” I heard an audible sigh. “Can this be an olive branch? I just want to be at peace. Please”
I felt my grip loosen on my weapon. “Alright. Ask away. And if you give me any reason to pull the trigger I will.” I glared at her as she finally found the courage to look back.
“Skyler, for the love of–” she sighed. “I’m not replacing you. Frankly, you should know that I already fucking hate how everything ended with Celeste. I don’t want another bloodshed, and I can tell that you don’t either.” She exhaled a breath she was holding before relaxing her shoulders. “Take a seat. Let’s just go through the motions.”
She sat across a small desk as she motioned to me to take a chair, something I did without breaking line of sight with her. The last thing I was going to do was let this upstart–
I felt a surprising pressure on my lower back that made me yelp with surprise. I had landed on something soft, yet an uncomfortable feeling shot through me as if I had hit myself against the desk. I jumped up and turned around to find the chair empty, something I would have questioned further if not for the loud banging of numerous office supplies getting knocked over behind me. I heard her yell behind me.
“Oh, right. Be careful. They might be a bit sensitive.”
“What might be, you–” A puffy white fluff covered my eyes as I turned around, something I realized was attached to me. There were more—a couple of–
“Your tails, Skyler.” She smiled. A set of multiple black and white tails followed behind me as I struggled to count them. Their fur was the same black as my hair I had remembered, with a snow white tip that came to a point. That point, I was realizing, was further out than I expected and the reason I was knocking things off the desk. I felt the muscles of them extend from my reach, something I was trying to control as if I was stretching my arm underneath a bed to grasp onto a forgotten object. I watched them flick and twitch helplessly at my feeble command over the new part of my body. It was then that I felt something move on the top of my head—I reached up with my hands to find two pointed ears sat atop my head. I almost screamed.
“You turned me into a Kitsune?”
“Did you think I was gonna leave you as is? We’ve had phoenixes, why not try something new?” She chuckled, a bit more at ease as I’d gotten much too confused to fight back. I noticed later that the pistol I clutched had been dropped in my shock. It was a shockingly comical scene if there had been anyone else looking in.
“So?” I interjected with anger, not really sure how to be upset about it. “Why’d you gotta go ahead and do…” I gestured to my body. “This?”
“It’s nice, right?” She smiled.
“No, Ash, it’s not. What the hell do you–”
“Ash? Do you think I’m her?”
The words stopped me in my tracks. “Yeah? Who else could you be?”
I heard her laugh. For the first time, I realized it sounded different. “So that’s why you’ve been angry.” She stood up, walking closer as if all the fear had evaporated. “The truth is, I’m no more of Ashley than you are. The Ashley you think you’re fighting isn’t one girl you’ll run into and get the opportunity to shoot. It’s a combination of everything here. A combination with you at the center.”
I felt my heart pound. “You’re…kidding, right?”
She was laughing again. “Feel better now? You aren’t getting replaced. You are the furthest thing out she has. The furthest thing she can be. You’re Ashley, maybe even more than I am.”
At this point I was laughing too. “Ah. Yeah, I–” I coughed, steadying myself a bit. “Sorry, I suppose. A bit of an overreaction.”
“Don’t even worry,” She fanned her hand as if to dismiss me. “I think even if you shot me, nothing would really change. Other than, well, you getting the job.”
“Job?”
“You’re not…her, exactly. You can’t be her, but…this place is hers. And if anyone were to lead it, it’s you.”
I looked wide eyed. “And what is ‘here’ exactly?”
“The observatory. The Comet Observatory, as it were. Her home. Your home, to be more precise. As we wanted it.” She gestured to the walls and ceiling of a rather comforting looking enclosure, a building I could see in my mind before I looked it over with my eyes. Her memories were mine. I really was–
“So, do you accept it?”
“Sorry?” I looked back at her.
“Do you accept your place here? This is the ending and the beginning presented before you.” She sighed, content. “So think about it. Let’s go through the normal questions, and at the end I want you to give me your answer. So, Miss Comet, what are–”
“Yes.”
She froze, mouth mid word and eyes darting back to look at me. “Very well,” she put her clipboard down. “I can see you’re in your right mind enough that the questioning won’t be necessary. If you are as ready as you seem, it seems my work is done here.” She began sorting her desk out and outlining some of the papers and tools as if to make it more presentable. “Some directions have been left for you, but you have plenty of freedom here. Feel free to play it all by ear. I’m sure it’ll all work out”
The woman stood up and placed the content of her desk in order, extending a hand to me. Her smile was warm and she looked completely relaxed as I stood up to meet her. The rest of the room faded away as I took her hand, shaking it gently while her eyes began to close.
A light enveloped us. The outline of a bright white shining began to crawl across our bodies as a soft high pitched humming began to ring in my ears. I instinctually tried to pull my hand away, but she held it tight with hers. I saw the cracks forming across her limbs from the outsides as parts of her began to fade away. It was like the times I’d seen her destroy worlds—the decay and fall of entire landscapes. This time, however, it felt calm and peaceful. This didn’t feel like death—it felt like new life. She slowly opened her eyes.
“I told you,” she chuckled. “I wasn’t replacing you. This time, you’re taking over our job.”
I watched helplessly as the light creeped across my chest, filling me with an indescribable warmth that began to proliferate through my body. The last bits of her essence began to fade, my hand quietly clenching into a fist around where hers used to be. The world returned, the light subsided, and all I was left with was a pleasant lingering feeling in my chest. Every breath was cold and refreshing despite the warmth in my chest, and there was the soft taste of mint-like freshness across my tongue.
I stood quietly in the room for a good while, directionless and astonished. The silence was suddenly deafening as the hum subsided. I pulled the chair out and stumbled a bit to the side of the desk, finding the door and slowly walking towards it. As I took my first few steps out into the observatory, the comfort that came from that woman’s…whatever she did was everlasting. I started walking the place like I owned it. Because I did own it, to some extent. I found my way up the stairs and to the rooftop, a familiar sight that I’d never seen. The stars shined down on me, each calling to me with soft twinkles and leaving me helplessly watching the sky. I sat myself down, taking care to move my tails out of the way and lay back to watch the slow moving scenery.
“Thanks, I guess. For everything.”
I wasn’t sure who I was talking to, but I hope they could hear me.