Recently, I stumbled upon an old sheet of paper from years prior. It was a math assignment, but I couldn’t tell what year it was from. It looked like it was ripped from one of those workbooks we were given at the beginning of the year, well before we started getting textbooks that we’d solve problems from on lined paper. The lesson was on probability, but the thing that caught my eye was a handwritten chart, the pencil marks fading away on the thin paper. All it had was the 36 values that 2 6-sided dice could roll.
Dice had become a big part of my life since then. I started playing tabletop games and I was introduced to Dungeons and Dragons. I ended up buying myself not one, but two sets of dice to carry around as my own. I began playing war simulators, and bought tens of dice to use as counters. Almost daily, I’d roll dice to determine an outcome. To determine if my shots hit the target or if my disguise fooled the guard. How well my sword cut the vines, or how well I understood the lovecraftian scriptures.
Back then I didn’t understand that the important thing about a dice roll wasn’t what number it rolled. In reality, it was important to decide when to roll my dice. It’s all about maximizing your chances. Rolling dice with bonuses that guarantee your victory, or deciding to flee instead of fighting impossible odds. But most importantly, it’s all about the reward.
The most important thing to remember is what you’re trying to achieve, and what is at stake. If you roll to see how well you can sneak past highly trained guards just to retrieve a ring you found on the corpse of a goblin from a session ago, there’s a chance you risk your life for something with little value. If you try to cheat at a card game in a bar just to impress your friends when the people you’re against are carrying knives, there’s nothing to truly gain. I didn’t understand this for a while.
One day, our school was the target of a threat posted on social media. According to information I received after, there were a couple pictures that made it seem like someone was threatening to bring a gun to school. Because of this, the school said that it was ok for people to skip school due to feeling unsafe. I, however, was planning to go to school. The night before the threat was supposed to be carried out, I didn’t feel worried. In my mind, there was such a little chance that a school shooting would actually occur. There wasn’t anything to worry about.
I got calls from my brother that my mother was incredibly distraught that I had chosen to go to school. When she came home, she begged me to stay home in case anything happened. I agreed awkwardly, and both my brother and mother took me into a large embrace. It was only then that I began crying, when I realized what I would have done. I didn’t realize how much I was risking just to attend a school day that was optional. Even if there was such a small chance, there was no reason for me to roll the dice.
That day I stayed home, lying in bed and letting the day tick by and texting friends back and forth. Nothing happened. In fact, it was later discovered that the guns in the pictures were fake, and had been purchased as props for a music video. That night the anxiety should have faded away, knowing that no shooting truly occured. But fear gripped me tighter. All I could think about was what would have happened if I rolled my dice and turned up snake eyes.
Recently I’ve seen an increase in my skill in tabletop games. Everytime I play, I find that I’ve gotten much better since I started playing. No matter if I’m fighting zombies, trying to survive in a snowstorm, exploring the mystery of a ghost town, or trying to smuggle counterfeit goods into town, I’m finding myself managing to win more and more. But it isn’t because I got lucky all of a sudden.
It’s because I know when to roll my dice.