The first thing I heard was a heavy fall of rain.
I could recognize that it was a dream immediately because of how foggy everything was. I’m sure it’s obvious because I’m looking back after the morning of, but even at the time I recall finding an odd calm in such a strange scenario. The details are still mysterious, but I can vividly remember the feeling of the rain falling down on me. Unlike most of my dreams, I actually had a physical body. My hair was soaked, and without my jacket my arms were exposed to the harsh weather. The wind made my arms feel cold enough to be numb, but I couldn’t be bothered to cover them up. I let myself get drenched in the heavy rain as I looked around where I was.
I was standing on the street of a neighborhood, although I didn’t recognize the place. It was hard enough to see with the rain, but there was also a thick fog that extended past and hid the horizons. It was just far enough to make out the shapes of various houses that gave me a sense of deja vu, but were never particularly recognizable.
I hesitated to take a step in any direction. Part of me was worried about slipping on the wet ground, but most of me was simply scared. In the short moment I had stood there, I heard nothing but the fall of rain against the concrete below me and the rustling of my wet clothes in the wind. There was no sunlight piercing through the gray clouds above. I stood frozen in the rain until I heard the cadence of soft footsteps behind me, and turned around to be face to face with her.
Through the fog, Celeste emerged in her dark grey hoodie and jeans. Despite having cover, she refused to put up her hood and let her hair get soaked in the fall of rain. Her bright and wet hair clung to her, and under the assault of the rain it had lost its glowing aura. Even with her green hair and piercing eyes, under the rain there was nothing left of her magical aura. The girl in front of me just looked normal. Like anyone else.
“Hi.” Her voice rang out, piercing the beating of the heavy rain. “Surprised to see me?”
I hesitated before saying anything. For some reason, my mouth felt shut as I was face to face with Celeste. With my own persona. She continued talking, but I could barely focus on her words. I stood paralized under the rain, afraid to take a step forward and not willing to take a step backward. There was something so surreal about seeing myself standing before me.
As she stepped closer, I noticed how she was a couple inches shorter than me. It made sense, after all I recall that I was always a little taller than her in my dreams. But as she stepped closer and those few inches became more and more noticeable, I couldn’t let it slide. It reminded me of something critical.
Me and Celeste were not the same person.
All my life, I felt so lost and afraid. Each day I kept trying to pretend like I knew what I was doing when I assumed everyone else already knew. Once high school started, everyone was joining clubs and reaching towards achievements when I still didn’t know where I wanted to go. When I discovered Celeste—this other side of me—I finally felt like there was a purpose to life. A place I had. For once, I felt like I could be my own person.
But even then, I knew that I wasn’t solving that fear. Whenever I looked in a mirror I didn’t have flowing green hair or bright and beautiful wings. I was putting on her persona as a mask when in reality I had nothing. Without her, I didn’t even have a name. I wasn’t anyone.
Suddenly, I was returned to my rainy dream as I felt a hand rub away a tear that had begun to fall. Looking back at Celeste, she gave me an uncertain smile. She hesitated before saying anything else. For a brief moment, I looked her in the eyes and pleaded for her to help me. All I could do was silently cry for anyone to help me figure out what to do. If I wasn’t her, then who was I?
As she took her hand away, she pulled off her jacket and wrapped it around me, covering up my arms which had grown numb from the cold. Despite how wet the jacket felt, as she wrapped it around me a warmth spread quickly through my body. The rain still beat down on us, but I hardly felt it anymore. Celeste stepped back, ineffectively brushing off her arms as they proceeded to get soaked under the heavy downpour. She let out a small giggle as she felt the full force of the rain before looking back to me with her smile.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get a new jacket. This one’s yours, after all.” She began to talk again, but I felt the haze of the fog covering the rest of my dream. The next thing I remembered was waking up in my bed, groggily getting up as the sun peered through my windows.
Despite how often my dreams repeat, I never had that dream again.